Anger and What It Does to Your Heart
Anger, the inner wrath, the conundrum of rage, the aggravation of fury, the fuming augmentation of temper, the heinous vehemence of ferocity – whatever one may want to call it – is deeply rooted within ourselves. The physiological definition of anger ascertains that anger is evoked when neurotransmitter chemicals called catecholamines are secreted one experiences a sudden explosion of energy; this energy can exceed and last for several moments. Although the definition sounds completely precise and direct, can we really place our palms on our chest and be definite while defining anger? Is it not true that anger possesses some amount of vagueness? There is a major ambiguity in wrath which reduces us to mere objects when we manifest it.
One can hear stories coming from around the planet pertaining to significant destruction and colossal damages. But have you really pondered upon these events of complete breakdown of society? Riots, curfews, wars, terrorism, racial hatred, hate crimes, genocides, ghettoization of people on a greater scale, political crimes, psychological killings etc. – all of these have a singular source and that is anger. The two devastation world wars, the persecution of the Jews, the pursuing Cold War, the nuclear weapons arrangement, the Vietnam war, the suppression of specific races, the rise of terrorism, the Arab-Israel conflict, the fall of the Twin Towers, the multitude of bombings throughout the globe and the constant rejection of peace while upholding coercion are few of the many instances we can pick out from history. Behind all these historical events the continuing problem is the attainment of anger, on a personal scale and then disseminated throughout the mass.
Think about it on a much simpler term. Imagine yourself waiting for food inside a sleek diner. As you wait on your food, you can see the waitress roaming around with dishes in her hand and serving other patrons. You suddenly ask yourself about whether there’s an intentional delay occurring surrounding what you’ve ordered. As you shuffle to find the answer, you slowly realize that you are being somewhat ignored compared to the other patrons. That is exactly the moment, a rush appears inside of you; a rush of blood to the head – you may call it. You become a little aggravated and demand your food. You state that you’ve ordered it long ago and you are being ignored. The waitress tells you that the food you’ve ordered takes a little time for preparation. However, you do not seem to be convinced. A rupture happens at this moment and things get haywire.
Stop right there, and mull over what just happened. What caused the resentment? Why did you get overwhelmed by anger? The answer is uncomplicated – stress. Your perception towards the whole event inside the above hypothetical diner led you to fill yourself up with stress. Your perception made you get rid of the slightest amount of rationalism you should have held on to. The part of the mind, which analytically figures out things, gets instantly suppressed; the other half of your strenuous mind gets excited by an urge which is unwarranted for.
A life consumed by wrath is not even close to having a life. From here onwards, there will be an invigorating discussion regarding the discourse of anger and how it affects you as a person and not as a subject.
Chapter 1: Thou Shall Not Be Consumed by Wrath
Anger is a sentiment which is branded by antipathy toward an individual or a feeling in which you consider yourself to have been wronged on purpose. Guided by an annoyance, you dive down into such depths of your mind which could result into a complete state of arrest. This moment of arrest is characterized by irritability, negative temperament and resentment.
On the surface, we are all aware of anger as a feeling. But we fail to define it systematically as feelings cannot be quantified into calculative values. All you can say that when anger overwhelms you there’s an ephemeral displeasure or a complete discharge of destructive rage.
But is it all bad to feel angry? If so, then why have we been bestowed with such a denigrating sensation? To be honest, there’s nothing unnatural about anger as it is a common human emotion. There are times, when anger can be healthy. Expressing anger will give an individual a pathway to put across downbeat feelings. In fact, anger can encourage one to discover keys to resolve problems.
Thus the deterioration begins when you let anger call the shots. When you keep on staring at the abyss, the abyss looks back into you. The whole healthiness of anger gets unravelled when it starts taking over you and consumes you fully. This consumption is the consumption of your soul by a grotesque and monstrous emotion whose depravity is unfathomable and impenetrable. Providing it with the slightest window of time can cause an irrevocable catastrophe.
While experiencing anger, an individual will frequently go through certain bodily conditions which include amplified heart rate, high blood pressure, and massive intensity of adrenaline and noradrenalin. Many perceive wrath as a feeling which activate the fight or flight brain mechanism. In terms of behaviour, cognition and physiology, anger turns out to be the principal emotion when a human being delves into indulging in it to stop the intimidating actions of another external power, straight away.
What are the three types of Anger?
- Abrupt Anger: Abrupt Anger or a sudden burst of anger is associated to the inclination towards the self-preservation instinct. Abrupt Anger is equally possessed by animals when the animal is tortured or unwillingly caged. In a precise way of defining Abrupt Anger, we can state that it is episodic.
- Conscious Anger: We usually showcase Conscious Anger while reacting to an apparent premeditated harm or unreasonable conduct by others. Conscious Anger is also episodic.
- Temperamental Anger: Temperamental Anger is dispositional in approach which means that it is primarily based on personality and isn’t dependent on impulses or perceptions. Temperamental Anger can be exemplified by tetchiness, resentment, and rudeness.
What are the ways of manifesting Anger?
- Passive Aggressiveness: You may several individuals fail to admit that they are angry; this is because they refrain from getting embroiled in an altercation. Such anger is manifested by passive aggressiveness. Remaining silent when you’re angry, subscribing to a morose state of mind, turning down things you need to perform and adhering to the make-believe “I am fine” connotation – are classic examples of Passive Aggressiveness. The reason for such a manifestation is the dire need to be in control.
- Uncontrolled Aggressiveness: While certain people remain silent while manifesting anger, there are others who bear the propensity to unleash the beast in them in complete wrath. Such people tend to transform into an aggravated being that is vocally aggressive. They would go far enough carrying that behemoth anger and end up harming themselves or others. This is Uncontrolled Aggressiveness. Getting involved in a brawl, harrying and condemning others, yelling, wrangling, being sarcastic and critical are few manifestations of Uncontrolled Aggressiveness. It is also characterized by an indomitable need to be in control.
- Optimistic Anger: The most vigorous approach to handle anger is by remaining guarded and positive. Manifesting your anger optimistically by conversing and hearing the other person is the most subtle way of getting grip on the situation. In fact, Optimistic Anger can benefit in the growth of relationships. Few instances of manifesting anger in the optimistic way are by conscious and confident speaking, while remaining diligent and lenient to the other person. You will have to remain tolerant, keep your voice at an even keel, convey emotions in the most effective way, and genuinely put effort into comprehending the feelings of the other persons. Optimistically dealing with anger may help you in showcasing yourself as an established figure who is concerned about relationships as well as yourself.
Anger is a usual and generally-healthy sensation. For instance, anger is expected from someone when something unfair happens to the person. When you’re defending yourself or someone close to you, anger is a quite normal. Anger can be a very common emotive feeling to a matter one identifies to be aggressive or exasperating. In fact, wrath can be moderate or extreme.
However, on another note resentment is completely different. Resentment and its expression is an attribute of one’s personality. Aggressive people tend to be violent and unsociable. The mishmash of uncontrollable anger and resentment can be perilous for your health, in general.
There is a very well-defined connection between anger and heart. If a person is violently driven by anger (speaking vociferously, yelling, being abusive, flinging objects, turning vicious) the repercussions of that can lead to harm the person’s cardiovascular health. Health complications can emerge frequently when you manifest your antagonism explicitly and forcefully. This increases one’s chances of getting a heart crisis or cardiac attack. However, if you try to take down your wrath and aggression without actually getting free of them – this could possibly result in worsening the condition. Therefore, “trapping it inside” is not a smart move for your heart. Thus, it becomes pertinent to find equilibrium – to handle your wrath and put it across in the healthiest fashion so that your body and your heart remain free of stress.
Identifying the Indicators
The first step is obviously to identify circumstances or individuals that could sadden you. The second step is to look for patterns and how frequently you feel angry.
Place yourself on a highway. You are driving or going through the highway just as a commuter. In an unpredictable moment, a fellow driver speeds in front of you without showing a signal and then reduces the speed. What are your feelings about the driver who cuts in? How do you feel emotionally about the driver? Do you experience changes in your physique, behavior and manners? Do these feelings last for longer duration or whether they get erased in minutes? Do you incorporate conscious thoughts about the situation? Do you find it difficult to sleep as thoughts of the situation bothers you? The thoughts keep on overwhelming you the next day as well?
Identifying the position of your angry state of mind is the most important to decide the management procedure. Doing so would help you to introspect and find solutions to problems internally.
What is the neurophysiology of Anger?
The human brain is a magnum opus which is about 3.5 pounds in weight. The tour de force is sheathed in a robust skull bone, thus being forever protected from external injuries.
Our brain consists of several parts and the largest of such parts in the Cerebral Cortex. Also termed as the “Higher Brain,” this part is in charge of performing every complicated function. The Limbic System, a small section of the brain, is solely intended for the emotional reactions. The Limbic System is also known as the “emotional brain.”
The moment anger emerges your brain compels the body to secrete stress hormones – adrenaline and noradrenalin. The two hormones exert a control over your blood pressure and heart rate. The secretion of adrenaline and noradrenalin also adjust the pancreas which regulates the blood sugar level.
What fails in the physiological setup, when Anger consumes us?
The sophisticated functioning of the Cerebral Cortex to examine, recognize, adapt and comprehend to implement remedial steps fails inherently when anger emerges in us. This leads the emotional cortex to allow anger to slowly overtake.
Your focus converges and gets hooked onto the subject of your wrath. As the process furthers, you completely stop paying attention to other things. As your brain continues secreting the neurotransmitters and hormones, it sustains the state of stimulation. That’s when you realize that you’re ready to tussle.
What can be the causal factors of anger?
The causal factors of anger can be both internal and external.
- One can be angry at a particular person who could be your family member, friend, colleague or supervisor. One-on-one anger can be caused due to extreme differences in opinions and ideology.
- One can be angry at a situation such as a traffic blockade or a delayed/cancelled flight.
- Internally, anger can erupt due to being perturbed by personal issues or constantly thinking about your private struggles.
- Furthermore, you may experience anger due to the upsurge of recollections pertaining to distressing or maddening issues.
- Pangs of anger can appear when you misinterpret a situation. Misunderstanding a person can lead to feelings of wrath against that same individual.
- When you feel helpless in a situation, you indulge yourself in procrastination. Procrastination generally leads to further frustration which is a root cause of anger.
- Receiving unfair treatment, getting unreasonably rejected, experiencing disrespect, trampling of feelings, ineptness to achieve, isolation etc., can lead to being angry.
Chapter 2: Anger & Psychology
There’s an extraordinary connection between our emotions and our psyche. Moving beyond the clinical reasoning of anger, we must be able to comprehend the significant trigger behind anger which can be precisely described through human psychology.
As we have studied about the functioning of the brain in the last the last chapter, let us know discuss about the human mind. The mind and the brain are similar entities but not the same. The mind, unlike the brain, is a more intricate and vast domain. The human brain is a section of the observable and touchable domain of the body. However, the mind is a segment which is an imperceptible and magnificent domain of intellection, emotion, outlook, credence and vision. While the brain is the bodily appendage primarily connected with the mind and sensitivity, the mind is not locked within the space of the brain.
To understand the triggers of anger, we have to take into account the human psyche. The human consciousness is like an iceberg; the part of the iceberg that remains above the surface of the water includes the conscious mind whereas, the part which is submerged under water consists of the subconscious and the unconscious. One can say that the conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg.
Levels of Consciousness
- The Conscious: The conscious mind includes of the whole lot surrounded by our wakefulness. It is the conscious mind which lets us think the way we want and express those thoughts rationally. These levels of the mind takes into account the feelings, observations, recollections, mood within of our present consciousness. The most pertinent example of your conscious mind is how you’re paying attention currently while reading this book.
- The Preconscious/Subconscious: The subconscious mind, also known as the preconscious mind, contains elements that one may not be currently thinking of but that can be pulled into conscious mind when required. It can be exemplified by the common feature of past learning. Presently you’re not thinking about doing algebra but if you’re given an algebra problem to solve you will then access the data and fetch the information into your conscious mind. This access point is your subconscious mind.
- The Unconscious: The most imperceptible part of the human mind, the unconscious, deals with everything which is beyond your current reality. Anything which enters the conscious mind traverses through the subconscious mind and settles inside our unconscious. The unconscious mind is untouchable and unpredictable. Although it sounds vague, the presence of the unconscious mind can be understood through the concepts of dreams and forgetfulness. Father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freund, said that we don’t forget anything. In fact, things that we do not remember in conscious awareness have settled so deep inside the unconscious that we can never fetch it back. It is the reason why you cannot remember a threatening incident from your past that could be bad test you had taken or a moment of utter disappointment.
Structural Model of the Human Psyche
The three distinctive and synergistic elements of in the model of the human psyche are the Id, the Ego and the Superego. In psychoanalysis, these three concepts explain the actions and exchanges of the psychological existence of a being.
- The Id: The Id is the primordial and instinctive section of the mind. This part includes the sexual and hostile urges and concealed memories. It contains of all the hereditary (genetic) apparatus of individuality present during birth, counting the sexual (life) intuition – Eros (consisting of the libido), and the aggressive (death) intuition – Thanatos. The Id runs on the ‘principle of pleasure’ – that is to find pleasurable drives and attain those. For the Id, all desirous urge must be contented straight away, despite the outcomes. For instance, the desire to possess an item or win at any cost erupts from the Id.
- The Superego: The Superego integrates the principles and ethics of society which are imbibed from parents and others. The Superego starts to develop between the age of 3 – 5 years. In other words, the Superego can be termed as the inner policemen – the one who stops us from committing an act which can be both individually and socially demeaning. Moreover, the Superego functions to exert regulation on the id’s urges, chiefly the ones which society disallows – sex and aggression.
- The Ego: The ego is the counterpart of Id which has been tailored by the undeviating persuasion of the outside world. The ego gets established to intercede between the impractical id and the outside /reality which is upheld by the Superego. The Ego that component of our individuality which makes the decisions. In the most ideal definition, the ego functions with reason unlike the id which is frenzied and irrational. Based on this, we can state that the Ego works on the basis of the ‘reality principle’.
Now let us see how anger develops through an intriguing everyday story about the inner workings of the Id, the Ego and the Superego.
Imagine yourself stuck in a traffic jam inside your car. There’s plethora of cars, trucks and buses in front of you and simply cannot pass through other than waiting for the traffic to get cleared. But if you keep on waiting you’ll be late for work. In such a situation, the first thing that comes to your mind is the wish to get a free road so that you can move ahead. However, a free road becomes impossible and out of invalid contemplation you wonder what it would be like to simply drive your car without caring about anything that comes in your way. From clipping side mirrors of other cars to maybe even stamping a few people under your car – that’s what comes to your aggravated mind (Id driven urges). You feel agitated by honking cars and people; the noise befuddles you like burning in hell. That’s the point where anger has already ruptured in your mind because you know you cannot just drive away when there’s a traffic blockade because that would be unlawful, illegal and most importantly – a severe violation of being civilized (the Superego’s control over you). Anger emerges out the unhindered conflict between the Id and the Superego.
That’s when the Ego comes in for you to balance Id’s unreasonable urges by placing them in reality. You gradually find composure in yourself which tells you that your drives are not realistically characterized. A traffic jam is a common part of everyday life which cannot be avoided. That’s when you get hit by solutions which are possible in reality – taking a different street, reaching the office a little later is not a crime or listen to a good song on the radio that can help you deal with the current conundrum. This is where you analyse the situation in the most logical and sophisticated way as the resolution arrives sooner or later.
Anger is the cause of an internal friction of the real and the unreal. Our conscious mind becomes a volatile entity when we are angry – garnering a scope for conscious to stop functioning while anger overpowers us. The subconscious and the unconscious may either add more fire to the anger or can provide elements of past learning to tone down the volume of the anger. Once the conscious mind works fluently, we understand the futility of wrath and start evaluating things rationally. The Id, Ego, and the Superego functioning is the most vital aspect of understanding anger in psychology. Counsellors, all around the globe, work with patients with anger issues by making them comprehend the power of reasoning.
Hidden Messages in Anger
When you realise that your wrath is aiding you to stay in control, you must also identify that you are incapable of regulating your anger. When psychologists felt the need to explore this classically disparaging sentiment, they found that there was a scarcity of scientific narrative specifically created for it. With the passage of time these conditions have changes radically. As incidences of events like road fury, on-road murders, shootings at high schools and other spree killings—in other words, with the pervasiveness of hostility in the world today—the research to understand the reasons of lashing out, uncontrollable anger have increased profoundly.
The reason for such an upheaval to understand anger is to decipher the meaning of wrath, because these meanings are sometimes hidden.
1. Anger is the defense that was forgotten: Every defense mechanism is a way to defend the person’s ego from an unbearable thrust of anxiety and when it is being threatened; it’s odd that we have never considered anger as one such mechanism which serves this essential mental function. It did not cross our minds because anger is a significant human emotion and cannot be simply used to secure a person’s ego. But to understand anger in the most profound manner, it must not be looked at just as the most important emotion. This is because when anger comes out to be an immediate, thoughtless response to annoyance, you have to comprehend that there must be another sensation that created it. And this specific emotion is exactly what the anger has manufactured to conceal or regulate.
One of the most common ways to address this point is through an example that is written at the end of the first chapter – the feeling of being cut off while driving. If you ask someone about this specific issue of getting cut off while driving, a majority of people will state vigorously that their abrupt response to such an incident is anger. But when you question them more about why they react angrily to such an incident or what does getting “cut off” generally mean, that’s where the other emerge. Getting cut off obviously involves the general danger of an accident. People, who experience that, would then recognise that right before successfully avoiding a crash their feel the emotion of anxiety or dread. Journeying from the sensitive stimulation point of terror to the similarly severe feeling of anger – occurs with such tremendous swiftness that almost nobody could summon up that spark of apprehension before the anger.
The complete swarm of emotions, the moment they emerge, can be successfully veiled, muffled, or obstructed with the materialization of a secondary and more overwhelming feeling – anger. This process of masking takes place just like other defense mechanisms work – delaying appropriate mental survival by trouncing the causal factor of anxiety that must be handled. Anger contradicts the weakness of the ego that must rely on it for defending and aid.
2. Anger is the method of self-comforting, neurochemically: People, who are driven by their wrath, undergo the feelings of noteworthy personality discrepancy. Several people have lived a triumphant life, specifically in their professional life but not too much in their personal relationships, where anger plays its whims. Apart from the achievements in their professional lives, an enormous number of people have been distressed by the idea that they are not good enough.
This is where the self-soothing factor comes into play. Right during the moment when anger emerges, it performs as a psychological vassal. Among the number of hormones, the brain exudes during anger, there is norepinephrine. The norepinephrine hormone acts as an analgesic to the person. Therefore, in other words, when a person confronts bodily or emotional anguish (or even the menace of such agony), the inner commencement of the anger reaction will suddenly release the chemical which is specifically intended to anaesthetize it. One may say that anger is a sword with sharpness on both sides; appallingly unfavourable to any relationship but nevertheless vital in facilitating a lot of susceptible folks to endure psychologically.
Here, we must comprehend that anger completely plasters the agony of the most hazardous threat. Such major agonizing feelings consists of facing mistreatment, feeling insignificant, blamed, accountable, undependable, diminished, discarded, toothless, unloved or even incapable for human touch. So, in logical terms, it seems sensible that self-stimulation of wrath can fruitfully ward off these wounding or excruciating emotions. Thus, it becomes probable that one could slowly turn reliant on the feeling of anger which can transmute into an addiction. The cognitive notion of self-comforting is indisputably applicable in this context, as it is a usual human tendency to sooth themselves when the self-worth is dying out. This fear of extinction of self-esteem can be felt through disapproval, rejection, or any external action that seems unsavoury and so restarts self-questioning. A psychologically fit person would be capable enough to avert the fear of losing self-esteem if he/she constantly acknowledges to oneself about the shortcomings. The moment we start feeling appalled by what we are, our underprovided feeling of “Self” will be incapable to endure these outside pressure.
3. Anger as a diminishing way to empower oneself: When it becomes possible for wrath to self- anesthetize while fighting against all types of mental ache, it becomes uniformly successful in warding off infuriating sensations of subjection. Our brain generally exudes the analgesic called norepinephrine when we are in a state of aggravation, but it also releases epinephrine which is an amphetamine-type hormone. Epinephrine makes us capable to experience a rush of power all through our body. This is known as the “adrenaline rush” that a good number of people have felt in times of an unexpected assault of wrath.
On a paradoxical note, anger is flexible and tempting as well. An individual or scenario, in some way, compels us to feel overpowered or immobilized. That’s when a response comes out of us as we convert such feeble sentiments into anger; it instantaneously gives us a sharp feeling of domination. Therefore, if wrath can turn us into powerful creatures, then it can really act as the enchanting potion that can really acknowledge our innermost uncertainties regarding ourselves. So it becomes a reasonable cause for anger to control us. Troves of people, all around the globe, feel intoxicated by anger due to its misleading self-sanctioning features.
However, there’s nearly no one who would appreciate their penchants for anger as a survival strategy which aids in neutralizing, belittling, or threaten the Other, it can be firmly believed that anger is incorporated across the world to strengthen a weakening feeling of private authority. In fact, opposing the very means of feeling feeble or unrestrained, the cultivation of anger can encourage a sentiment of imperviousness and even indomitability.
4. Anger is a secured way to feel involved in cherished yet volatile relationships: Ironically, anger’s purpose in to ascertain safety in intimate relations by controlling detachment. So it becomes a rational step when a child’s wardens are alarmingly insensitive, careless or undependable, the child will likely grow up to become apprehensive; or to safeguard himself, the now-adult child will develop a particular feeling of indifference, in warm relationships. These individuals will badly crave for a safe and sound bonding (which they never received as children), but still they will be cautious of explicitly articulating their desires and wishes. While acting in the same manner with your loved one may be detrimental as the partner may react adversely to it and old injuries can come back to haunt.
These individuals develop a kind of trauma due to which they never let themselves get inside a vulnerable position, although their vulnerability becomes obvious. They would refrain from openly stating what their heart requires because a censorious or rejection from the person they love – will probably lead them into a void of suppressed panic. With self-subjugation in play, we have to admit that the defensive task of anger in not confessing and estranging oneself can feel – is not just a significant function but fully obligatory.
Wrath also plays the role of driving away the other person and making them leave because if unsettling issues. In other words, if one requires space in his/her life then the person could simply act angry; anger leads a person to become completely isolated. Anger, in an unconscious manner, can be infused in an assortment of methods to standardize susceptibility in dedicated relations. Anger can not only help us to separate ourselves from the Other, when the craved intimacy begins to generate unease, but also, incongruously turned into a scheme for the Other to connect at a secure distance.
Chapter 3: Anger in a Psychosocial Perspective
On a social level, anger resides within a larger territory. Anger becomes a more general line of thought from its individualised aspect. The interesting feature lies in within the perception of one another in society. This perception takes shape way back during infancy and childhood.
As we have discussed in the previous chapter about the Id, the Ego and the Superego, let us now talk about the development of the Ego and how its maturity leads to the perceptual differences that provides scope for anger to metastasize. A child’s first appearance in front of the mirror is very significant in understanding this entire concept. The mirror shows a reflection of the child which helps the child in comprehending about himself, his body parts and the world around him. With the arrival of this phase of understanding, the child starts to develop his own individuality which is known as the “I.” The mirror image of the child is thus called the “Ideal-I” with which a being communicates entirely in a constant pursuit. The “I,” in psychological terms, can be referred to as the Ego; on the other hand, the “Ideal-I” is the Ego Ideal. The Ego Ideal is the internal representation of a person as he/she aspires to develop into. The “I” corresponds with the “Ideal-I” in an attempt to attain the ideal self.
While the urge to attain the ideal self continues, an individual starts recognizing the rest of the world. The being comes in contact with a multitude of people – starting with his parents, family, friends, colleagues, spouse and children. The “I” inside us immediately identifies with these people and refer to them as the “Other.” The “Other” is that pool of individuals who are away from the one’s self and is separate from the inner “I.” This difference between the “I” and the “Other” enhances gradually. As the gap increases, the individual’s Ego starts corresponding with other people to find out similarities between his Ideal-I and the “Other.” The person slowly realises that what his/her Ego thrives to become is already present among the “Other.” In other words, someone or some people have already attained the ideal stage.
From this point onwards, there’s a birth of desire; the desire of the other, the desire to become the other, the desire of what the other desires. What we gradually forget is that our desires are not our own, they are the Other’s. This desire drives towards achieving acknowledgment. The question posed here is not really about the things we desire but solely about the way we want to get recognised. Thus, we constantly rely on the “Other” for acknowledgment and this gives shape not just to desires but to our drives as well.
The source of anger is desire; precisely, the desire to be recognised. It is desire which leads to expectations and its failure. It is the fall of desire that generates resentment against the other and against oneself.
Here’s an everyday story that elucidates the above.
Consider a scenario in which you live in a locality where you have your own house. There’s another house next door. In a few days, you come across the neighbor living in the other house. As time progresses, you and that neighbor of yours delve into a more refined relationship. You visit his house frequently and he does the same. A matured friendship slowly grows between the two of you. Every other day, after work, the two of you sit together and share about your work and life like close friends do. Gradually, the phenomenon becomes a routine.
One day, the neighbor visits you after work and while talking, he informs you that he has received a promotion at work. He tells you that his company has rewarded him with a new car and his salary has been incremented. You, on the other hand, have been working in a firm with a fixed salary that has not received a hike. Moreover, your company is not as resourceful as his and so there’s been no promotion for you. On a more precise note, your current monthly salary is lesser than his. You tell him that you are happy with his success.
In a series of days, you notice that your neighbor’s standard of living has gone up. His new car is exceptional and he is now furnishing his house with better amenities. With more time going by, a day comes when you notice that he is building a small swimming pool in his backyard.
At this point, you may come across a feeling that this neighbour of yours is spending more that he is earning. Slowly, you may also make yourself believe that everything he owns is equally deserved by you. But unfortunately, you aren’t getting any. You start questioning your capabilities and find out that you are capable enough to deserve all of it. You may also gather that your neighbor is not that capable but simply lucky to have everything that you want as well. Eventually, you plant the seed of despise in your mind pertaining to that neighbor. You feel that he is downplaying you with his extravagant lifestyle. You may feel that his newfound success has turned him into someone who blows his own horns. However, in reality, the neighbor still comes to meet you frequently and talk about his life. It is you who have started showcasing disinterest towards him and you’ve become increasingly rude. Finally day come when there’s a crack between the two of you and an estrangement arrives at the doorstep. Now, all you have for him is anger and hatred, as a matured relationship turns to dust.
What exactly happened here? Why a logical and rational relationship turned to zero? The answer is not jealousy but resentment. Your Ego (I) desires to be everything that your neighbor is. However, this desire wasn’t there when you first met him. With his success, your Ego perceives him as the Ego Ideal (Ideal I). When you cannot achieve such heights, your Ego keeps on desiring what the Other desires – it desires to be the Other. As this desire remains a unfulfilled, you reach a point in your life which holds nothing but resentment for the Other. This resentment changes to anger momentarily and all of it happens because your rationality disappears.
Anger is the byproduct of every disparaging emotion. Resentment is the most dangerous of all of them. Your desires become less important as you start questioning the legitimacy for the Other to possess everything that he has earned but you haven’t. Thus, it becomes clear that it is not your desire but the Other’s – you’re just resentful and angry because of an irrational hatred that you can get rid of.
Anger & Anxiety
There are multiple ways in which anxiety and anger opt to confront each other in a war of sorts. When a person intensely scares you – the anxiety forcefully burning in your mind will instantaneously ask you to keep away from any kind of altercation. However, when the same person insults you (could be by breaking the boundaries you have, infringes your feelings of evenhandedness, or stating a matter that you consider to be humiliating or offensive – an event such as that will slowly infuriate you. That’s when you will find that the only reasonable option for you would be to exercise the emotion called anger.
1. Fight/Flight: Now bring the abovementioned construct into the mechanism of fight or flight. When your instincts tell you to consider yourself capable enough to fearlessly encounter the person or the situation that is threatening you, you’ll remain firm and feel independent to correspond your anger or resentment. On the other end, when you perceive yourself as a fragile being or in a further unstable position than your supposed opponent, your self-shielding urge will not drive you to fight. You will be more inclined to detach yourself from your adversary – a process which happens extremely fast.
2. Dominant Emotion: The human consciousness, existing by its personal biased reason, is responsible to conclude or direct how in a frustrating condition one will respond. All of it is based on which feeling inside of you, anger or anxiety, is more powerful or more dominant. It goes without saying that being dominated by anxiety will not be too fruitful for someone’s psychological standing. This is because, stepping down, shaking your head down will have a destructive consequence on your self-worth, esteem, and confidence. One may simply discover himself to be fragile, incompetent, or pusillanimous. Despite of all of these factors, if anxiety prevails then you will be able to keep away from the clash.
For instance, let us take into account a girl child who has been completely obedient and disciplined since her childhood. However, the child’s father would habitually intimidate her to make her behaved better. He would threaten to settle her at an orphanage when they commonly journeyed to her school. An unkind, vicious individual, his emotional exploitation was devoid of justification but, obstinately, the father seemed to take pleasure in startling and even petrifying her. The child’s mother was tremendously frightened by him, as well. Thus, she failed to gather up the bravery to arbitrate and protect her daughter.
While living in such an environment, she comprehended that emphasizing her desires and wishes was not a probable option for her. Even thinking of articulating her wants and needs lead her to experience anxiety in great magnitude. It was not improbable for her to manifest severe grumpiness and she did. Time and again, due to unmanageable aggravation, she would let herself get swayed by anger. And slowly, as time progressed, at the age of five and till she was in her late teen-age – the girl ultimately embarked on rise up against her father’s dreadfully irrational restraints. He wouldn’t allow her to meet boys as he was of the opinion that every man wants the obvious thing. Thus, she refrained from vocalizing her unexpressed thoughts of annoyance as she feared the ramification from her father.
The aforementioned cause should make it look palpable why the girl child felt compelled to smother every bit of wrath her father goaded in her. The father had even negated her desire to go college and study further. Suddenly, one day she was prepared to go away from home and enroll herself in college. In an unpredictable note, the girl allowed her to let her anger overwhelm herself. Her father’s savagely cruel conduct with her was so maddening that every anxiety she have had previously, regarding facing him, was severed by her constantly repressed anger.
Chapter 4: Anger and its Consequences
Aggression is the most innate and usual approach while one responds in anger. In fact, when a perilous circumstance comes in our way – anger becomes the most common form of response. It invokes authoritative and hostile sentiments and conducts. This obviously permits a person to struggle and guard himself when he is ambushed. It would be correct to state that danger is something that is essential to human survival.
As discussed in the last two chapters, we can stay away from lashing out on certain people or things that infuriate or exasperate us. This is because we live in a world that is guided by laws, morals, ethics, social standards and general rationality. All of these incorporate an embargo on the extent to which we can express our anger.
When to Identify Anger as a Problem
Wrath turns into an issue when it adversely impacts an individual’s regular life and compels them to respond in such a way that could probably wound themselves, their close ones and/or strangers.
The following are the indicators when wrath could be a trouble:
1. When one experiences anger for a considerable amount of time, at an extreme and overpowering context, it becomes a problem.
2. When someone is unable to control anger, things become haywire.
3. When a person feels upset and distraught, as a consequence of becoming furious, then the situation becomes troubling.
4. Intoxication and addiction to control anger, through the use of alcohol or any other drug, is an extremely grievous issue.
5. If one feels addicted to use anger as a means to compel others to do things, the situation would soon turn dire and out of control.
6. Anger can become a serious concern when one detaches himself from other people or state of affairs.
7. Suppressing things instead of managing them becomes too problematic. In fact, repressed anger is severely devastating when it bursts out.
8. A person, in extreme anger, can say unspeakable things. However the problem emerges when that person starts regretting what he has said, because once a word escapes it can’t be taken back.
9. While expression of anger is considered healthy but not in a manner which is intimidating or discerning. Violent outbursts of anger and acting out aggressively – are sheer issues.
When anger can be expressed through hostile or aggravated means, another way of expressing wrath is by suppressing it. Suppression of anger further leads to its transference or rechanneling. A common way to experience this is when you stop yourself in anger and cease to reflect upon it. This is generally followed by concentrating on something optimistic. The objective of the containment of anger is to inhibit your anger-driven conduct and transforming it into something more productive.
For instance, if you are constantly told by your family and peers that you’re incapable of achieving success – the consistent poking may infuriate you. However, you stop yourself from getting aggravated and channel out that aggravation into doing something in your life. The aggravation can be positively used in order to become something in life. The negative connotation coming from people you know act as a challenge for you and you simply take up on it.
But there’s a thing to remember while suppressing anger. If inhibiting anger is not followed by a positive external channeling, the suppression can lead to terrible conditions – one can drive the anger internally into oneself. This can lead to severe health-related consequences ranging from depression, augmentation of blood pressure, hypertension etc. Furthermore, it can transform you into a passive-aggressive person who gets back at people obliquely. Such a behavior emerges out of nowhere; you don’t provide any reason to the person you’re getting back at, you don’t confront them directly. Other than the passive-aggressiveness, one can gradually become a contemptuous and intimidating person – someone who is constantly heckling others, questioning everything, being harshly sarcastic. Such people will have several unhealthy and unsuccessful relationships.
Anger leads to a multitude of biological changes, ranging from hormone release to general body failure. The changes are listed below:
- The body releases the hormone called adrenaline.
- The blood pressure increases during the state of anger.
- The heart rate gets augmented when you’re angry.
- The arteries encounter spasm.
- The stomach gets filled with acid and its content increases.
- The breathing rate is more than normalcy.
- During moments of anger, one perspires a lot more.
- Digestive abilities of the body lower due to anger.
- The body’s immune system becomes unstable.
- The state of anger is also characterized by the increased release of fat in the blood stream.
- Physical pain is also attributed to anger. One can experience immense back and shoulder pain.
- Facial muscles get tensed when a person is angry.
- When one is angry, he or she can be affected by angina. Angina is a form of chest pain or uneasiness that takes place when the heart muscles receive reduced amount of oxygen-rich blood.
- A cardiac arrest is the conclusive result of extreme anger. Heart attacks are a common consequence of anger.
How Anger Affects Behavior?
There are massive behavioral changes which emerge due to anger. The following lists the number of changes.
- A state of extreme tension is common during angry moments.
- Anxiety comes hand in hand with anger. It is a byproduct of wrath.
- An angry person may cry during the angry phase. The crying can also get manifested by accumulation of tears in the eyes.
- Yelling is another common approach of expressing anger.
- Due to the consequence of high blood pressure, an angry person may experience nose bleeding.
- People who suppress anger but show passive-aggressive responses will most likely feel unable to vocalize their thoughts. The failure to vocalize may also be cause by the overwhelming nature of anger which snatches away the ability to talk clearly.
- There is animosity and acrimony in all states of anger. Bitterness is a usual feeling when one is angry.
- An angry person’s body language may become quite intimidating. It can appear threatening to many.
- Similarly, anger-driven body language can also be offensive. Use of abusive and insulting tone is quite usual.
- Sarcasm is clearly seen in many angry people who are passive-aggressive.
What Kind of Loss Occurs?
Anger is not just responsible for bodily and behavioral changes. Instead, such changes may lead to loss of things which one holds dearly.
- Erratic expression of anger may lead to acquiring a bad reputation.
- Good friends leave those who are unstable in dealing with anger and expressing it.
- Relationships within the family become sore due to extreme show of anger. Divorces are a common result.
- A shopkeeper or a businessman of any kind may find themselves in a soup due to their rude behavior. Anger can take away your well-built financial status.
- Even during events of happiness, the atmosphere surrounding an angry person is perpetually uptight.
- Anger can vanquish those who emotionally support you. It can be the prime cause of having a ruined health and mindset.
- Most importantly, anger and expressing anger erratically creates more enemies. You become the most hated person among those who once look up to you.
- Anger can also result in legal troubles in it is expressed in a way which can cause harm or intend to do so.
Wrath, irrespective of getting articulated or remaining unexpressed, crashes a person’s psychological wellbeing quite prominently. Several studies have been conducted in which anger has been opined as the prime cause that connects to isolation, persistent nervousness, sense of dejection, consumption disorder, trouble in sleeping, obsessive-compulsive tendencies and fear psychosis. The detrimental properties of anger infringe into an individual private and personal domain. It undermines an individual’s ability for emotional achievement and private and work-life accomplishment. To put it simply, anger can hold you back from facilitating your talents completely and gradually take you down.
Wrath restrains the improvement and preservation of close relations, ultimately creating complete unsteadiness in matrimonial and work-related. Anger-driven individuals recurrently overreact to common confusion and inconsequential gripes and make them too much of a problem. They are more disposed to conclude relationships with others, including intimate friends, without trying to find resolution to the problems. People, on the receiving end, find their conduct and disposition repulsive to with them. As a result, angry individuals frequently estrange themselves from others that may even include their families. People with uncontrollable wrath face difficulties in becoming efficient father, mother, husbands or wives.
Chapter 5: Controlling Strategies
Anger controlling strategies are exceptionally varied. There is a multitude of ways to form strategies of controlling wrath. All such strategies can be systematically divided into Instant Strategies, Quick-Fix Strategies and Enduring Strategies. The following can be performed during moments of anger, in order to avoid stressful conditions:
Instant Strategies are those methods which can be implemented at a particular moment. Their effects are not long-lasting. Although impermanent, instant strategies can be effective in resolving something on spot.
– When you’re at a specific place and situation which is causing the sensation of anger inside, the most effective way to deal with it is by leaving the place instantly. All you need is to create an excuse and walk out of there.
– While experiencing anger internally, you can try to defuse your brain’s emotional degree. During such a moment, silence would be an effective option. One can choose to have some chilled water.
– Breathing techniques can be extremely effective. Breathe deeply and focus on the respiration process as attentive breathing can reduce stress by making one find serenity and tranquility.
– Heedful walking is also a beneficial method of reducing anger instantaneously.
– One of the most powerful ways of instantly managing anger is by looking at your anger-expressed face in the mirror. You have to relax while looking at your face and slowly put a smile. After that, keep staring at the mirror to find the differences between the two expressions.
– While in a phase of angry outburst, reduce the shouting by turning down your voice. That’s a terrific way of controlling yourself.
Quick-Fix strategies are those steps which are more advanced than instant strategies. They are not momentarily used methods but can be incorporated for a more furthered duration.
– Recognize people who are awfully rude. You can trust your intuition on it as well when needed. The next step would be to avoid them at every possible circumstance.
– Another set of people you must identify are the ones who are terrible in communications. Develop of a method while talking to them. Keep away from such people whenever possible.
– Think about Multiperspectivity. Multiperspectivity is a theory which talks about multiple points of view or perspectives. You have to remember that each one of us has got the authority to generate our own opinion and that opinion is valid to each of us.
– Anger can be expressed in a more productive way. For instance, when you’re angry take up some work which is time-consuming and hard. You can work on something that has been on hold for some time. During such moments of anger, such a work is ought to get completed.
– Introspection is a very significant step in identifying yourself. It is method by which you can look into yourself and find the jumbled strings to untangle. Through this process you can recognize the problem that resides in you. Think about someone who would not get angry in such a scenario.
– Compassion is a gentleman’s sign. It is easy to hold anger against a person who have made mistake but it is more invigorating to forgive. Forgiveness is not a clichéd expression but an expression of the initiated.
– There would be time that the mistake has emerged from your end. Understand it and then step out to provide a clarification. This is a more rational way to define things. Remember certain changes are really good.
– When you make a mistake, apology the best way to get over things. Saying sorry is not ego-threatening, rather it is the showcasing of more gravity and competence.
Enduring strategies are the most long-running. Through these methods you can overcome anger genuinely over a long course of time. Although these strategies do not bring in instant effects; however, these are supreme ways to deal with wrath.
– The two most self-sustaining ways of controlling anger is through meditation and yoga. Rumination or meditation is a way to smoothen your internal self. Through meditation you can untangle your stressful mind.
– Deep Breathing or Pranayama is an art of respiration that heals your body. The healing through Pranayama is not only applicable for anger but for several other bodily and mental issues.
– Evaluate your Ego tremendously and keep your Id in check. Examine your mistakes and comprehend your constraints. Try to imbibe good habits from the others around you. Tone down the resentment that you may have for someone.
– Dive deep into understanding human nature and behavior. This will help you in internalizing your own expressions and idiosyncrasies.
– Create a list of things that infuriate or irritate you. Anything that causes anger should be written down on that list to be acquainted. After you have jotted them down, look for resolution.
Anger Management Therapy
Definition: Anger management is a psychological therapy or management program for the eradication and regulation of anger. It has been described as deploying anger successfully. Anger management is the name given to a process by which people can be aided in their quest to discover the triggers that create their fury. Through the anger management procedures, individuals systematically learn the nooks and crannies of staying calm even when stressors are fuming in front of them. With the help of anger management therapies, a person can find a multitude of optimistic methods to deal with a stressful scenario. The sole reason for someone to undergo anger management therapy is to lessen or reduce their level of anger. It diminishes the emotive and corporeal stimulation that anger can create. It is usually unfeasible to keep away from every individual and situation that provokes a person to become angry. However, the same person may gain knowledge to control responses and answer in a way that is fit in a civilized society.
Method: Anger management programs put forward a comprehensible list of guideline for recuperation. The procedure delivers a management facility in a regulated environment for the discharge of their feelings. In a simultaneous fashion, the therapy targets to accomplish productive reactions while getting rid of the vicious ones. Individuals, who participate in this procedure, are advised to scrutinize what pushes them to turn angry. Participants put an effort to turn on their awareness regarding their feelings at each point of stimulation. Gradually, the participants learn the ways to utilize such indicators as a diagram to regulate their wrath.
Furthermore, the participants get the opportunity to delve into the way their body retorts to incidents from the past and the future. Individuals do this by recognizing the emotive response to a particular situation. People are also aided by management therapists to keep an eye on anger-driven reactions that are being used a “defense mechanism” time and again. Such an issue could lead psychological issues like anxiety disorders and depression. Anger management therapy is also capable of aiding those who create their social network. Unmanageable wrath can result into psychologically and physically damaging problems.
There are several methods by which this therapy works. Few of them are listed below.
- Creation of absolute self-consciousness to determine issues and focus on them.
- To teach the perfect way to meditate, in order to guide the mind through things.
- Management of disturbance within oneself. One way to do this is by maintaining a diary where one can write about what triggers them to become angry.
- Like meditation, techniques of respiration are also learned during this therapy for finding serenity and calm.
- Strategies of recreation are taught in this therapy for the participant to find respite from their frustration.
The psycho-therapeutic procedure of anger management can be conducted in group setup or conducted with one single individual at one point of time. Therapeutic sessions try to deal with anger problems pertaining to specific types. Such problems may consist of issues of bonding, troubles in parenthood, teenage issues, and anger-driven behavior in the professional sector.
Anger management therapy is conducted on a sustained note; however, people in need of such a therapy can also participate in a course that can run for a few days. A majority of these courses consist of coursework and other chores. The therapy looks forward to fortify the methods which are taught and this fortification helps individuals to apply the methods in real-world scenario.
Benefits of Less Anger
– Your professional and personal relationships will be deeply impacted and you will notice betterment and improvement in those.
– There will be a negligible amount of enemies.
– Reduced anger can lower the divorce or separation probability.
– You will find yourself in good health and sound mind.
– Your mental power will be doubled and rational thoughts will always prevail.
Chapter 6: Controlling Others’ Anger
Wrath is a severely robust emotion. Try to recollect a moment from your past that involves a friend, a colleague or a senior at your workplace who turned angry because of something you did or uttered. Think about how you responded to that back then. Any average person, in such a scenario, would have launched a counter-offensive in order to protect himself or herself. Did you act in the same manner? Then the language fight must have gone one for sometime before either the rival or you simply severed away from the scene with the promise of never to communicate with the other person ever. There could be a far more perilous scenario in which you may encounter a person who is angry and possesses the ulterior motive of impair you or someone you love.
The ways to regulate angry people and swim through the moment is extremely exigent. A plethora of efficient anger management approaches can be incorporated to keep away from voicing argument and defending yourself or others from people who are angry.
Understanding the Flow of Anger
Before you can start dealing with a person who is angry, there is something you have to perceive. You have to comprehend the stages of anger in the other person. Most importantly, you need to be a keen observant which would help you to resolve a problematic scenario before it even begins.
The cause behind wrath is very simple if one can perceive it through and through. When there’s a dissymmetry between prospect and actuality, this imbalance slowly builds up a form of denial which leads to anger. The disproportion creates hopelessness in us as we get hurt. Anger comes as a repercussion to that. The following notes the flow of anger:
1. Inception in Thought: Before the phase of anger kicks in, the angry-to-be person goes through a mental construction of the event that is going to make him angry. He thinks and mulls over the situation which helps him go through the details. Upon remembering the details, the person is now driven to express his thoughts.
2. The Words Follow: The thought period continues through verbal expressions as the man now begins to express his thoughts through language. While talking he expresses how his expectation did not to match up to the outcome. His talks reveal that he is severely heartbroken and disappointed. Moreover, the way he is speaking also shows the negativity he is encountering in himself.
3. Finale Action: With thoughts turning into words and as words become harsher than it is supposed to, the climax becomes a very volatile moment. There could be an obvious bursting out involving – yelling, shouting, show severe apathy and even turn violent. The prime reason he is behaving in that manner is because he wants to express his displeasure.
If you’re planning to deal with someone angry, try to turn off the anger before it gathers momentum. The thought stage is the best phase to stop the person from reaching the last phase.
Dealing with the Angry Ones
When you arrive at a position where there’s an angry person right in front of you, all you need to focus on is the way to swim through the situation without losing your calm. Remember that your actions must be strategic. Apply more thought to patient listening even when you’re not in agreement.
1. Sympathetic Listening: To control anger in others or to keep it at bay, you have to be a compassionate listener. Your job is to patiently hear every word the person says. In fact, this attentiveness and sympathy must get reflected in your body language. Your gesture must not showcase that you’re listening to him against your will.
2. Controlling Yourself: While trying to evade someone else anger or stopping the other person from getting angry, you must recognize whether you’re vulnerable. Regulate yourself so that you do not encounter feelings of wrath. Always remind yourself that the other person might be going through tremendous distress.
3. Be the Pacifier: A person, who is feeling emotionally angry, is in a state of absolute loss. He or she may suffer terribly and cry a lot. That’s what you must be concerned about as the angry person would require a motherly affection. The person needs pacification and you have to be that pacifier.
4. Be Silent When Needed: When the pressure cooker bursts, there is no uniformity; there’s only uneven scattering. Similarly, during moments of extreme anger, a person is completely devoid of logic as his reasoning abilities are shut off. While the person fails in determining things, he is gradually consumed by emotions. At such a scenario, you have to be more silent and less vocal.
5. Use a Reasonable Excuse: The moment you encounter a person who is angry and you don’t have the interest to face him, try to leave the scene. Excuse yourself by telling the other person about how you aren’t feeling like talking. Tell him, as politely as possible, that your mood is not at its peak. Promise him or her that you’ll talk about the certain matter sometime late.
6. Break the Chain: Mahatma Gandhi had perfectly said that an eye for an eye makes the world blind. While facing someone angry, you may also feel like exerting your angry-self onto the other. That will, in return, further infuriate the person and he/she will keep on enhancing the level of anger. This will go on and will not stop until the two of you are completely consumed by wrath. Break this chain as it is vicious cycle. Expressing anger can be done in more effective ways.
7. Empathize: Talking serenely can have impeccable outcomes rather than being harsh. Make the other person comprehend that anger can harm both of you. Tell her that you both need to change and adopt. Act as his or her aid. Punishment or getting back at the other calls for more trouble.
8. Utilize the Best Human Qualities: Tolerance, respect, empathy, effort, concern, steady communication and stable behavior are the key human natures that balance the most traumatizing events of this planet. These qualities can be further utilized to win over a person who is generally angry.
9. Faith: Have faith on yourself and your abilities. If you are confident about being on the right side of things, nothing can put you off. You can smartly communicate that to the one who is angry at you. Make him or her understand logically about why you’re not at fault. Have faith on them too.
10. Rejuvenate Relationships: A bonding, which had been invaded and consumed by anger, can be reignited. This rejuvenation is very healthy as an ice-breaker and it penetrates the anger-driven mindset of the other. Be that ice-breaker.
11. Comprehend Venting: Venting is a significant constituent to thwart the vicious cycle of anger as venting lowers aggravation. Catharsis is a method of giving out pathos in the most maddening ways. A person experiencing his boss’s discouragement and anger, may torture his pet dog to find calm. The moment an angry person expel their frustrations through the venting process, they tend to allow logic. Gradually, they become more welcoming to clarifications. There’s more clarity in their thoughts. When a person vents, you would realize that it is serialized process and not one specific event. Venting, at the beginning state, is the most extreme one. Once that phase passes, the angry person has already extinguished most of his wrath. The later phases of venting become thinner as time progresses. Here you have to keep in mind that more factors, which can further infuriate, should be kept at bay. That’s why the first stage of venting is the most important and it must allow the angry person to express all that he wants.
The Benefit of Dealing with the Angry Ones
Dealing with angry people is highly needed. There are a lot of reasons that must be looked at if you’re planning to deal with angry people.
1. Help in Avoiding Harm: If you are able to calm down angry people, they are completely ceased from taking an action. This action may harm others and/or yourself. The harm can be exerted physically or emotionally. If you reduce anger in someone, you will be able to shatter through the sensitive cycles of aggravation that can lead to harm. You can unravel the essential glitches that have lead to feel anger.
2. Save Yourself: When you stop yourself from becoming angry while talking with an angry person, you have already saved the day and yourself. You single-handedly stopped yourself from becoming the aggressor. Jobs like customer service representatives and executives have to maintain this regularly.
3. More Positivity: While you are facing an angry person, who is yelling at you and you tend to remain completely calm. During such moments, if you talk politely then there’s a chance that you’ll be able to build an optimistic relationship with them. There will be almost negligible stress on your end and most importantly, there wouldn’t be any further melancholy in dealing with them.
4. Exemplary Behavior: Attempting to calm people with angry episodes, you may showcase an exemplary behavior. This ideal behavior can enthuse the people around you to walk in your shoes. In such a scenario, dealing with anger becomes extremely simple.
Chapter 7: Rules of Engagement When Angry
Based on our previous discussion on anger and its expression, we have talked about how anger is a destructive force. However, what we tend to forget is that we have been bestowed with the sensation of anger for a reason which turns this emotion into a powerful and constructive tool. Let us see how that works.
The Language of Anger
Both unswerving and passive-aggressive anger is always trying to correspond to something significant. It can be observed to deduce psychological factors, state of mind and personality. But anger-driven expressions generally scare or disturb the people who are at the receiving end. When you’re angry, your aim is to communicate what you’re going through and be heard properly; however, what comes out is not the desired outcome. This happens mainly because the unreasonableness of anger acts a supreme hurdle in intelligent communication.
There is an erroneous belief that communicating passive-aggressively is more apt or healthier. Honestly, it is not the way; passive-aggressiveness can be the worse. In France, there is a perfect phrase which talks about passive aggression – sous-entendu – meaning “what is comprehended beneath.” To be precise, it means saying something naïve but meaning something fierce. When you’re aiming to look for a proper and consequential connection with the other person, you need a divergent tactic.
For instance, expressions generally vary with culture. Few cultures are reputed for being direct and no-nonsense, such as New Yorkers and Germans. Their motto is simple – you get what you see; there’s no shade of grey in their communiqués. So in that manner, if you belong to a culture that refrains from being straightforward while communicating, a straight communication style can be interpreted as insensitive and offensive. Similarly, inhabitants of France are known for being indirect and they communicate in a passive-aggressive way. Furthermore, people from Southern or Midwestern United States holds decency as a more improved element that straightforwardness. Those people operate more pleasingly and amiably which seems thoroughly sociable.
In a study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania USA, it was reported that aggression in communication will irrevocably drive people way. Irrespective of being aggressive or passive-aggressive, people are going to reflect back on you negatively. And the moment they feel prickly, they will be automatically guided to misunderstand you and try to evade the scenario. Unfortunately, they will probably dislike you and may even start to hate you profusely.
During a dire condition, such as this, you have to drive your angry-self in a manner which will not tend to break things but efficiently send the message across the channel.
Rules of Engagement
1. When you’re feeling anger, talk about what happened but choose your words carefully.
2. While talking about what happened, be very specific. You have to point out detailed factors that concern you.
3. The detailing must include the empirical data such as what took place, when it occurred, where it did happen and how frequently.
4. Refrain from elaborating the emotional wring to your scenario. Emotions are not empirical constructs; there are very few people who may connect with your emotional ideas.
5. Never use intangible or unclear language while talking in such a state. Vagueness in language may contribute to the creation of further troubles.
6. Stay away from generalization. Generalization will make you deviate from the issue more. Your explanation will fall apart.
7. Purpose and motive are something that cannot be judged on the basis of assumption. While talking about your state of anger, never make presumptions about the other person’s motives and intents. Contradicting this aspect may lead to infuriating the other person as he/she may not be ready to be judged without a valid ground.
8. After explaining what had happened, move on to talk about how you felt. When you’re doing that make sure that you’re being totally calm. Your voice must showcase tranquility instead of aggravation.
9. When you’re talking about your feeling, you must not sound pessimistic. Always remember that there’s more to people so have faith. Make yourself sound optimistic. There more light in this world than darkness, prove it while expressing your feelings.
10. Anger-driven words generally tend to get inclined towards talking about the person who has infuriated you. That’s the reason why angry communications fail to achieve mitigation. Avoid talking about the person and focus your words on the situation. This will stop you from judging the person wrongly and you will be able to stay away from making unreasonable generalization.
11. Do not refrain from talking about your emotions. Emotions must be expressed appropriately and so suppressing them will lead to further explosions of anger. You must not deny them.
12. Emotions must be relayed in a manner which will make the other person empathize. Emotional outbursts are something to be stringently avoided during the angry phase. Outbursts are always counterproductive. Stay away from loud expressions.
13. When you are expressing your concern angrily, refrain from reducing the person to an object. Putting the other person down is an obvious indecency. The person will get rid of any positive feeling he/she may have for you. Be objective yet serene.
14. Character ambushes are dangerous in any conflict. It makes you lose objectivity and focus as it diverts you from the problem at hand. Moreover, attack on a person’s character single-handedly destruct relationships and demean the other person further. Be precise when you talk and do not go astray from the path.
15. If you think that there is something the other person must do then make sure that you’re saying that specifically. Beating around the bush is never an option.
16. Whenever you are making a demand, do not make it sound like an order. A tone of request is always beneficial; it would make the other person empathize with your request and he/she will perform properly.
17. Do not demand something huge instantly. Request the person to make small amends and gradually things will start working.
18. While requesting a change, avoid asking multiple changes at the same time. Multiple changes may represent negativity to the other person and that may be harmful for any future mitigation. Request one change at one time.
19. Requesting behavioral amends can be very detrimental when you do it wrongly. Behavior is something that requires time to get modified or to adapt. Be very specific about the behaviors you want the other person to get rid of. Focus on your words.
20. Asking the other person to change the behavior is a negative thing to do. But if you pair it with good behaviors that are already there inside the person, the whole talk changes.
21. While asking the person to stop one specific behavior, you have to ask him to continue one good behavior he already possesses. This will enhance your position and make the other person trust you even when you’re angry at him.
22. Stay reasonable while requesting changes. Try to be rational while deciding what changes he/she can afford. Do not request such a change which is too larger than life for the person. For example, if you’re angry at your son for not having a decent job, do not ask him to become a famous movie star; something of that sort is highly improbable and unreasonable.
23. Explain the change you want the person to subscribe to. Do not just imply it. Describe it to him/her in complete rational detail. With such a move, the other person will feel balanced and organized.
24. When you’re requesting the person to do something for you, never ignore the fact he may also have needs. Listening becomes very important here. Ask the person if he has needs and make him feel comfortable.
25. Just requesting a change will not suffice. You have to be delicate and explain why such a changed is being asked of him. He must find that there’s a logical cause for him to change a certain behavior. Tell him why such a change would be beneficial for you and him as well.
26. Explain to him/her about the deterioration that may come up if the person doesn’t change one specific behavior. Describe to him about the bad things that may happen if he/she refrains from changing that behavior.
27. While asking for a change your voice must not have the stance of threatening the other person. Do not bully him to make amends or showcase hostility.
28. You have to measure every probability before you ask for the change. Inform him/her about how their behavior is significant for you. Be affectionate and kind.
Chapter 8: Personality & Anger
While there are ten general personality types, some among them are more susceptible to get driven by anger than the other types. However, their triggers of getting angry may vary little. A number of such personality types may include the borderline, narcissistic and antisocial or sociopathic traits, traits of paranoia and obsessive-compulsive natures.
A person, who bears a paranoid nature, is always troubled as he/she may feel that there’s someone out there to cause harm. On a healthier note, this person can simply be practically watchful. These people would become infuriated the moment they feel that someone is taking advantage of them.
Someone with a narcissistic personality type gets tremendously angry when they are made to feel inferior to another. The feeling of inferiority can also be self-generated. On healthier notes, this is someone with a plethora of confidence about himself or herself. They may perceive the inferiority as a form of inequality or prejudice. Such people will reciprocate to anger by opting to establish that he/she is better than the other. They may even scoff at the other.
A person having a borderline personality may frequent unsound relations and have oddly tough emotional response. Such a kind of person is going to get angry when they experience refusal or neglect. Someone with borderline personality will execute their anger on themselves; however, they can also burst out at others abruptly.
An antisocial type of personality may get furious when they find a sense of control around them or have to follow regulations that appear capricious. In fact, any rule may appear as illogical to the eyes of an antisocial personality type. A healthy person who is audacious may have similar personality types but my perceive rules as bendable. Sociopaths also delve into unsteady relationships. In fact, their fury is set off by a feeling of rejection. When such a trigger emerges sociopaths tends to showcase extreme abusive conduct.
But what we may observe on a daily basis is someone with an obsessive-compulsive personality. These people generally uphold assessment control and are frequently perfectionist. This makes it simple to comprehend that they may get angry when minor imperfections emerge – both in their case or someone else’s. Such people often get angry when they sense that someone is disobeying them. For them, obedience is a value even in situations where there are no rational causes to expect obedience. As they possess extremely elevated principles, a person with obsessive-compulsive personality may become furious about himself as well as others.
This is where we come into “Type A” Personality.
How do we define that?
“Type A” personalities generally bear a behavior model that is determined by extreme ferociousness, ruthlessness, agitation and peak sentiment of being on time. In medical terms, these personalities are prone to succumb to coronary heart disorder. To be precise, the connection between Type A personalities and heart conditions have become a general theory today. Physicians and patients dealing with such are well aware of that.
Why is it called “Type A”?
A psychological study was conducted where the goal was to establish personality types which differed from one another. This study was conducted based people’s behaviors. When the study was concluded, two personality types emerged. While the study was conducted, the professionals determined two criteria which helped them to identify the ones who belong to the first type and differentiated those from the others who fell under the second type.
These types are:
- Type A: People, who are exceptionally inflexible, stringent and are perfectionist, come under this category.
- Type B: People, who are usually relaxed and flexible about things, come under this category.
With a massive publicity surrounding such a personality type and the constant media attention – “Type A” personality still remains clouded. In reality, even professionals fail to comprehend and judge such personalities.
Is there any spot-on way to understand who has a “Type A” personality?
A “Type A” personality will always showcase two fundamental attributes. The first one is a constant exigency surrounding time and impatience. The other feature includes uninhibited resentment that is all-encompassing and omnipresent.
Type A Personality Detailed Features:
- “Type A” personalities are obsessively guided by three prime factors – time, money and filth.
- In case of time, these people have immeasurable issues with time. Such people constantly feel the need of being on time and any sort of time-crunch is a huge crisis for them. They are always peeping into a watch or a clock as they constantly calculate time. They feel as if they are investing time and that’s why they hold time to be of a great value.
- They are always trying to evaluate the amount of time spent on something along with the amount of time left.
- “Type A” personalities are completely dependent on deadlines. They are rigorously serious about meeting deadlines and feel a necessity to complete things in a restricted period.
- For them, time is the equipment for evaluating, restricting, detaining and determining themselves and other people.
- As they perceive time as a tool for meeting standards, “Type A” personalities have complex ideas surrounding esteem. In other words, they don’t accept values based on anything but on holding standards.
- For them, being a good human being is irrelevant and not of any value. “Type A” folks discard the inner value of people and only uphold themselves and values money.
- They judge worth by the material price of something. Earning and spending money is their primary interest. They judge people on the basis of how much they earn and spend.
- “Type A” personalities do showcase love and affection. However, their method of doing so is completely materialistic. Such people buy things for someone they love. That’s the way they feel entitlement and safety. They consider that relationships are guided by an intermediary of exchange and acceptance which lies in money.
- Finally, people with this personality type are perfectionists. In fact, they have very little self-esteem (as everything is measurable for them – time and money) and strictly stay away from dirt. They are always cleaning things and require a tidy surrounding to function.
Identifying a “Type A” Personality
The term “Type A” came into existence in the year 1950. Eminent cardiologist Meyer Friedman discovered a connection between instances of heart disorder and personality type. Friedman observed that a majority of people, who are extremely prone to go through a cardiac disorder, showcases a severely obsessed nature. These people are intolerant and always remain stressed out. After Friedman coined the term in the 50’s for the first time in many academic journals, “Type A” personality theory gradually became very popular in a book called “Type A’ Behavior and Your Heart.” The book was jointly written by Dr. Ray H. Rosenman and Friedman and came out in 1974. The term Type A Behavior or TAB transformed into a psychological vernacular a number of predispositions possessed by exceptionally cutthroat people.
In recent times, the term could appear to be a remnant of traditional psychology; however, “Type A” personality theory is predominantly accepted even now. Psychologists of our generation state that we must not consider Type A as a tag or a peculiarity from Type B personality. Instead, Type A should be comprehended as a gamut of behaviors and characteristics.
So, how to identify people with Type A traits?
- An overwhelming feeling of urgency encapsulates people with Type A personality. For instance, you may come across people who behave erratically while waiting on a long queue. Such a person, with Type A personality, gets a little dead inside while waiting and finally bursts out unsteadily.
- There is no pause for people with Type A personality. A person with such traits is always on the go. Think about a person constantly honking horns from inside his car stuck in a traffic congestion.
- People with Type A personalities are always glued to their watches. They would continually peep into their watches, time and again. You may have a friend who is simply inattentive during a tête-à-tête. He or she would constantly look into the watch or a clock and wait for the conversation to get over.
- Someone with Type A traits is also known to have an edge-of-the-seat personality. Anxious behaviors like grinding teeth, biting nails and frequently fiddling are quite common in these people. Inattentive behavior becomes a normal consequence for such people.
- Obsession is a usual factor for these people. However, the obsession is not scattered but confined to the area of work and ambition. You must have seen a colleague or a superior who is always talking about work and can never think outside that box. They would stay up late at night and work. They would arrive at the office before anyone and leave at the latest. For them, life starts and concludes with their work.
- Competitiveness is another trait they possess. Do you have friend who keeps interrupting other people while they talk? This may not be on purpose and that makes it a trait-based issue. They perform in such a manner to position their points and lead the dialogue in their own way.
- Type A personalities are extremely ruthless when it comes to achieving a material goal or success. They will go to any extent to accomplish something that may seem frivolous to a normal person. From collecting trading cards, earning a huge amount of money to signing a business deal – these people are always going all the way.
- Although they choose to interfere whenever they want, people with Type A traits will never tolerate any interference when it comes to their work. Tied together by workaholism and perfectionism – such people are exceptionally motivated by a goal-inclined frame of mind and severe compulsion to be successful. A ruthless politician who climbs up the ladder to become the most powerful man in a nation by getting rid of people who were in his way – is classic example frequently seen in cinema and dramas. Such people are dominating and severely hostile.
- For people with Type A traits, wasting time is a phobia. Waiting at a doctor’s chamber, stuck in an immovable traffic, finding oneself in a non-materialistic conversation, holidays etc., are extremely painful for them as they perceive it as a complete squandering of time.
- Meticulousness is very common among such people as they are always calculating. Getting more stressed and conflicted than others is a direct result of such a mindset. Being on the top of things and ascertaining that everything is at an even keel – are two of the most common feature they bear.
- There’s always a feeling of catastrophe inside their mind. This feeling can be defined by the extreme anxiety about the future. They inhabit on the most horrible conclusion of any predicament or collapse.
- Mulling over thoughts of failure and catastrophes, one is not supposed to get any sleep. Night after night a person with Type A personality may keep up. The reason for such an activity could be a disturbing event or a discussion that seems challenging.
- A person with Type A personality would invest more effort in their career than personal relations. Calculative and evaluative achievements matter more than emotional ones, such as promotions and scores. Without realizing the value of the people in their lives, such a person would leave their relationships at stake.
- For these people, life is measured by a metric system. Such people loses grip on life once their task list is lost or not well-crafted. They thrive on observing all their work planned appropriately and feel satisfied by ticking off each chore on the list.
- Finally, at the end of everything – a person with such behavior will complain about severe chest pains. A developing heart condition is something very common for them. With such ailments, they feel more uncomfortable and stressed as a lot of things fail at this stage.
Chapter 9: Do you have a “Type A” Personality?
One of the primary questions that you may incessantly ask yourself is that whether you possess a “Type A” behavior disorder. It is not a problem to have such a personality trait; instead the problem persists in the conduct of not being able to recognize such a trait. To identify if you bear a personality of that kind, all you need is a set of questions. Let’s look into them.
Questions pertaining to time and patience
1. Are you of the habit of having your food fast and getting off the table instantaneously?
2. While having food, do you own the tendency of watching the television or going through a magazine/newspaper?
3. Are you always in a hurried state to finish things before time, even when there’s no compulsion?
4. Do you react quite negatively when you have to wait at a restaurant for your food to arrive?
5. Is it a concern for you when you have to stand in a long queue for a considerable amount of time?
6. When you are having a one-to-one conversation with your friend, partner or someone close, do you tend to think of separate issues? Do you get involve in other activities while listening to someone in front of you or on phone?
7. Are you constantly told, by your close ones, to slow down on things? Are you asked to reduce your level of tension? Do you think that you should relax time and again?
Questions related to deeply rooted resentment & invasiveness
1. Are you frequented by sleep deprivation or have insomniac tendencies because of incessantly mulling over other things? Do you frequently wake up from sleep feeling upset about an activity someone has committed?
2. Do you get negatively affected by people making mistakes while driving their cars? Do you feel mad at supermarket attendants for their apathy? Does the belatedness of postal delivery disconcert you vehemently?
3. Are you of the opinion that most of the human beings around you are sincere? Or do you believe that people lack the compassion to help others?
4. Do you admit to yourself that your spouse is always contending against you? Do you feel that your spouse is always questioning about your meagerness?
5. Are you frequently aggravated while driving? Do you curse other fellow drivers? During such times, if you’re partner is with you, does he/she ask you to remain composed?
6. Did your dentist ever tell you that you grind your teeth often?
From the above set of questions one can pin point two key psychological and six significant physiological indicators of “Type A” Behavior. In fact, these factors are used as the primary diagnostic aspects of “Type A” Behavior.
1. If you manifest “Type A” Behavior, then you must have an incessant trepidation regarding any upcoming catastrophe (there’s an erroneous notion that this factor is an indicator of a depressive and an anxiety disorder).
2. A “Type A” Personality will undoubtedly showcase impatience and will hostile frequently.
1. Mincing teeth is a very noticeable indicator of TAB.
2. The upper eyelid will retract like a tie quite often.
3. There will be facial tics which will consist of retraction of the mouth along its corners.
4. The forehead and the upper lip will be covered in perspiration.
5. The color of the skin of the lower eyelid will turn brown.
6. A “Type A” personality will have tongue serration due to its persistent strain against the incisor teeth at the top.
In order to comprehend all of this, let us get reinvigorated by an incident that can happen to anyone, or may exist in anybody’s life.
A 45-year-old man, who is a boss in a big firm, is quite ill-reputed for his fast speech. To put it perfectly, he speaks almost 130 words every minute. His tone gradually turns ruthless while talking to a subordinate. He may suddenly become discordant and irritated, and burst with loudness and repulsiveness in his voice. During moments of duress, this man gets tensed instantly and display rapid rough postures. There’s a series of tics on his face, near his eyebrows and his mouth. The tics may even continue to get manifested by the rest of his body as he may raise his shoulders or retract them.
As he keeps talking rudely with the subordinate, he puts pressure against the back of his top incisors with his tongue which gets indentations on it. He breathes tremendously which makes sounds as he persistently inhales air in order to speak fast. The respiration pattern continues as he blows out air in disappointment and every trice he feels fatigued psychologically. Even when, the room he is in, is air-conditioned – the man would repeatedly wipe off the perspiration from his forehead and upper lip.
As one keeps observing this man, he/she would notice a mellowed yet permanent accumulation of melanin due to which the skin of his lower eyelid has got some brown tinting. When the man feels more aggravation, his eyes would defiantly stare at the person on the receiving end as his eyebrows are lowered. One can perceive his hostility clearly while his eyes keep on glaring at the person. Belligerence and resolve remain on his face, and the muscles encompassing his mouth become tensed. The conversation is about to conclude with the man’s lips pulled on both sides. There’s a protuberance that appears due to his tight jaw line – the whole expression makes him look extremely annoyed with a fake smile.
The conclusive analysis that you can draw out of this whole affair is about the man’s personality type. He manifests “Type A” Behavior (TAB) very acutely. He may even seem like the embodiment of TAB. He will have to slowly modify his self and his form identity; if not then a cardiac havoc becomes imminent. And more importantly, the cardiac catastrophe will be a fact and not a probability.
Workaholism & “Type A” Personality
Workaholism is a crucial aspect of our lives which comprises not just the segment which deals with our professional domain but also the world that involves our loved ones and family. This becomes possible when both the worlds collide and that friction leads to the disintegration of work-life balance. Workaholism is an obsession that destructs the vitality of life that transmutes someone’s individuality and the principles he/she upholds. The addiction of working disfigures the authenticity of relationships, tampers with family balance and finally results in the fall of relations. Unfortunately, people with such an addiction ultimately undergo the slaughter of individual and job-life veracity.
Let’s delve into the types of workaholic people:
1. The One who pleases: You may have encountered Mr. and Ms Nice at your workplace. Such people are always pleasing others (especially seniors) in a passive-aggressive manner. In other words, they cannot say no because they frantically want to be accepted and appreciated. A pleaser will commit to nearly everything to achieve rewards from the superior and coworkers. They will meticulously manufacture their guise in accordance with how they need to get perceived by others. While the process continues, the borders of a pleasure’s ego will get awfully obfuscated due to the Self which experiences a terrible repression.
2. The One who controls: These workaholics are unremittingly hungry to acquire the type of power which permits them to forever be in a dominating position. A controller is a sovereign and boastful person who is frequently snobbish and severe. However, such a person can be exceptionally delightful, humorous, and outgoing in approach – especially when it suits their interests. A controller can become intolerant, reckless and overwhelming, and inclined towards having a powerful and conscious personality. Such personalities are habitually seen in positions of higher management or possess their own ventures. Workaholics of this kind are very keen to be in success-oriented projects instead of participating in societal issues. For them friendship, personal relations are quite difficult to maintain. Cherished friendships are replaced by professional associates for such workaholics.
3. The One who controls egotistically: Egotist controllers have the audacity to control things to prove their righteousness at every interval. For them, every opinion or judgment they possess are utterly right, things must progress in their way and their point of view is supreme. They are swaying, controlling and persistently compel others to pursue their personal schema, despite the penalties. They are narcissists who do not feel concerned about the interests of other people. In fact, they can put forward a disturbing ignorance for principles and probity. The things they consider significant are their personal decrees and norms which are grounded in their perception of reality. Their egotist worldview presents negligible thought to their actions involving others. A narcissist controller’s compassion is quite diminutive as their sensitiveness malfunctions resulting in uninitiated opinions.
Several controlling workaholics would exhibit their prosperity by purchasing expensive accommodation, luxury cars, recurring visits to celebrated clubs, and enroll their offspring into affluent schools. On the other hand, a careful and conventional pleaser would safeguard their circumspectly created modest qualities by staying away from making apparent showcasing of affluence. Some even expect others to feel pity and sympathetic for them due to their extensive working hours and commitment. They rely a lot on others’ sanction and recognition which are quite significant to pleasers.
One of the perfect examples one can relate with, from the literary world, is the character of Macbeth created by William Shakespeare.
- On a formal note, Macbeth can be looked at as inhuman; however, in terms of the subtext of the play – he shares narcissistic, controlling, dominating, manipulative, and obsessive and egotist attributes common among humans.
- Macbeth, from the beginning of the play, demonstrated intentions of becoming successful and reaching at the top of things.
- When his dreams of becoming the second-most powerful man after the king crashed, Macbeth’s drives to become the king were further influence by his wife.
- With that in mind, he disregarded the very ethical ground of what’s good and what’s not – and finally landed up taking the king’s life.
- Power became his sole friend and allured him further to commit acts that would ensure the sustainability of his success.
- His fixated and neurotic focus constantly pushed him towards the end of things as he eradicated his personal duties to relationship, friends and subordinates.
- The attainment of power and overwhelming domination furthered Macbeth’s vision to have more, and he tried to corner everything that came in his way with complete disregard.
- His sole mission was to remain in the lap of power.
Macbeth embodies a personality type (irrespective of the crimes he committed) which manifests “Type A” Behavior which is not beyond reformation.
The following are the workaholic personality traits which may affect life and living:
- Type A or Type B attributes reproduce a person’s longing for accomplishment, precision, cutthroat attitude and capability to unwind and settle down.
- Type A recruits usually finds pleasure while displaying a ruthless approach. They are exceptionally punctual when it comes to meetings and engagements. Anything they act upon, they have to be swift as they constantly experience a sense of rush. Most of the times, they are annoyed and aggravated.
- People, with Type B personality traits, are tranquil, focus on a single thing at one point of time and put across their emotions appropriately.
Workaholism may not be a devastating factor of human life; it can be deliberated to garner success and fruition – both materialistic and existential. The idea would be to accept things as they come and reduce the intolerance that could eat one up completely. Work is worship, there’s nothing to doubt that, but once you systematically feel aggravated because of it and lose your tranquility over it – the worship element gets completely fractured. Work must be perceived as a part of life which is not greater than your personal relationships. Separating these two and maintaining a balanced life is not rocket science but emerges instinctively.
Chapter 10: The Heart & Your Personality
The human heart is unswervingly connected with the human personality. Although, understanding heart condition is a clinical approach and personality, on the other hand, is a psychological factor – still the connection between the two can be unerringly anticipated. A person’s personality, though psychological, can precisely make a long-lasting impact on the physiology, because we tend to act based on our personality and behavioral manifestations. Life, including all its inconsistencies, is seen as a clear and distinct picture because we have certain traits to perform in that manner. Thus, our psychological reasoning about life intrinsically affects our choices and our physical well-being. That’s where our heart gets connected.
Let’s understand how:
- The central nervous system is unceasingly restlessly agitated in those who possess “Type A” personality. In fact, it becomes obvious by the way one behaves – contesting in opposition to time, demonstration of aggressiveness with other and their inconsistencies.
- If a person carries unwarranted perspiration on his forehead – that’s a direct indication of a “Type A” Personality. Such a facet is a dreadful prophecy for anyone to have a devastating heart disorder in the future.
- For instance, if we look into animals and their behavior we will certainly get a picture. When two animals are combating, their blood coagulates at a faster rate than normalcy. So they don’t instantly bleed to death if they are wounded. However, if the lowering of the blood coagulation takes more time than usual then it is a clear marker for increased anxiety and a hyper sensitive nervous system.
- To bring this factor into the human system, think about a person working as an accountant in the field of taxation. Such a person’s blood will coagulate faster than usual in the beginning of the month of April. During that time, these accountants are contesting to beat time and finish their customer’s tax returns before the closing date. For a person, who manifests “Type A” behavior, the entire year is a cut-off date.
- The moment a fight erupts between two people, they both exude an enormous quantity of adrenaline. This is a crucial indication of a highly agitated nervous system. The secretion of adrenaline is totally connected with the sensation of dread. Clinical studies have proved that people, who manifest “Type A” Behavior, discharge an extensive quantity of epinephrine or adrenaline. This shows that “Type A” Personalities are driven by amplified fear. Although, they may not be scared of psychological harm but will be in fear of physical harm.
- Moreover, research on human metabolism has furthered that people who demonstrate “Type A” Behavior also exude a huge quantity of norepinephrine or noradrenalin. Excretion of noradrenalin is precisely connected to the emotional state of being angry. In other words, a hand which is tremulous is an indicator of epinephrine whereas a scrunched hand is a clear sign of norepinephrine.
- Compare the human body with a machine such as a car, a computer or other gadgets. These machines are created in a very perfect manner because they are incorporated with a heating and a cooling mechanism. Similarly, the human body is built in the same manner so that survival becomes possible. The “sympathetic nervous system” is the section of our body which is the heating system as it helps us in understanding in order for us to fight against the assailant or run away from him. The other section is known as the “parasympathetic nervous system,” the cooling system, which aids us in going back to the state of normalcy and reinstate our energy.
- A person with “Type A” Personality is always warmed up while there’s a sustained readiness in the body. It stays prepared in advance. This weakens the cooling setup as it stops functioning effectively due to the “Type A” Behavior. Such types of behavior keeps the body inflamed as several hormones and compounds are secreted in huge quantity. This in turn, keeps certain compounds and hormones locked up. These locked up hormones usually help our body by cooling it. The result of that is for the body to remain overcharged. This leads to the failure of the human body to remain fit and a heart attack or cardiac emergency becomes imminent.
- The mental attributes, which are generally projected by “Type A” Personalities, consists of:
2. Fanaticism towards any mistake made by others
3. State of aggravation
4. Concealed anxieties
5. Constant fear of losing self-respect
6. Compulsion of being fast
7. Getting involved in multiple dealings and activities
8. Getting hold of too many things
9. being verbally discourteous while talking with colleagues and juniors
10. Recurring failure to maintain displeasure while working, driving etc.
11. Showcasing suspiciousness about someone’s motivations
12. Distrusting the quality of believing in honesty
- There is a plethora of hormones and compounds which are exuded in huge quantity in people who have a highly sensitive nervous system because they suffer from “Type A” Behavior disorder. For instance, it has been studied that people with “Type A” Behavior undergo a heavy discharge of testosterone hormone which is responsible for male aggressive nature.
- Furthermore, patients of “Type A” Behavior disorder bear an increased level of triglycerides in their body. Studies have proved so when such patients were tested for the same after 24 hours of eating fat food.
- Although, researchers have not studies the presence of every possible hormone but pragmatic and rational understanding can speak a lot. It is obvious that “Type A” Personalities are excessively stressful. It becomes a fact that high amounts of stress, emotional and physical, are simply dangerous your heart and general well-being.
- Your cholesterol level is not just dependant on the kind of food you consume. Emotional stress is a reason which a person’s cholesterol level can rise sharply. A good number of physicians and medical experts do believe that the psychological-physiological connection, in terms of excessive cholesterol, is a fact.
- A proper diet and controlled medication can obviously lower your cholesterol level but you can cure it once and for all – simply by getting rid of “Type A” Behavior. Bringing all these factors together is always the best approach.
Anger results in the deluge of strain hormones like adrenaline, which enhances the beating of your heart by turning it faster. At the same time, adrenaline raises your blood pressure level. While adrenaline (or other stress hormones) increases the chances of clotting your blood, it becomes exceptionally hazardous if your arteries are tapered by plaque which is burdened by cholesterol. The following list will give you an idea of controlling anger:
Reduce your vulnerability
The probability of experiencing an anger-stimulated heart crisis event is very little. However, a tiny yet increased jeopardy is troublesome for the ones who bear added danger of heart ailment. The most pertinent plan would be to lessen the chances of vulnerability. Giving up habits such as smoking and drinking, incorporate a daily workout regime and administrating your blood pressure and cholesterol levels – are the best ways to lessen your defenselessness.
You have to implement the step of monitoring when you detect that you possess reasonable to elevated levels of anger. Beta blockers and few numbers of evidences surrounding it show that they can lower the heart rate and regulate blood pressure. These could alleviate anger’s impact on the heart. However, medicines are always the last resort. You are required to prefer methods which are drug-free as medicines such as anti-depressants have other adverse effects which can be quite detrimental. The smartest way to deal with anger must emerge from the way you look at life.
The anger flow chart
1. The moment of calmness which is about to be disrupted.
2. The calmness gradually gets baffled by little stress. You remain busy; however, you remain stable.
3. As the stress level increases you become slightly angry, annoyed, and stressed. But you refrain from expressing it.
4. In the next step you turn reasonably angry and now your voice manifests it too.
5. Gradually you turn quite angry. This is when you can understand that your body feels tensed. You may even tighten your fists or teeth.
6. A tiny dent turns you infuriated. You nearly lose control as you bang things in front of you.
7. The final moments are filled with excessive enragement. You have zero control over things now as you may lash out on things or other people. You may hurt yourself or someone else.
Supervise your wrath
While looking for an approach, which if free of drugs, you can always opt for an anger-management course. A thorough and in-depth study of cases had revealed nearly more than thousand people had discovered that anger-management courses were extremely beneficial in reducing their wrath. After they have taken the program, these people now reciprocate to intimidating scenarios in a manner which is low in aggressive. In fact, they employ constructive actions like recreation methods or improved interactive skills.
Although averting heart conditions may not be directly connected to anger management programs, still one can rely on these procedures for a better living.
The American Psychological Association has provided a set of approaches for stopping anger before it can overwhelm. The list follows –
Unwinding Yourself: When you suddenly realize that you have entered a scenario where the heat is rising, the first step is to take a step back. Deep respiratory process should follow, in order to fell composed.
Modify the way you think: The moment when anger drives people, they have the inclination to overstress or be excessively theatrical. Stop yourself from making abusive remarks and accept your dissatisfaction. Put some added effort to help add perspective to the problem and try to identify that wrath won’t help the scenario.
Add value to what you say: While you are involved in a quarrel, try to take an unhurried approach. Be more cautious and give an ear to what the other person is talking about. Refrain from answering without thinking. Give thought to your actions.
Amend your surroundings: The instant you realize that your current environment is pumping up your blood and ascending your rage – drive yourself away from that surrounding immediately. Spend a considerable amount of time quietly and alone, keeping away from the troubles.
An assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, Dr. Michael C. Miller, focuses on the fact that the overflow of anger generally shoots up clash.
“That can lead to more anger. So step back from it, and don’t take immediate action unless you have to. By keeping your head cool, you may get more satisfaction—and perhaps avoid a serious heart-related problem,” Dr. Miller had stated.
Marking Your Anger
This is a very generally used scale to evaluate a person’s level of anger. Rate your anger by answering to the following lines with 1 (never), 2 (now and then), 3 (frequently), or 4 (constantly). Then get a summation of the numbers to put. A total score of 10–14 will mean reduced anger, 15–21 medium anger, and 22–40 increased anger.
1. I feel tempered rapidly.
2. I am extremely fierce when it comes to my temper.
3. I am a very quarrelsome being.
4. When someone else’s mistake reduce the speed of my progress, I turn ferocious.
5. I undergo extreme aggravation when I am not given appropriate acknowledgment for my high-quality work.
6. I get totally exasperated when I work perfectly but receive a meager assessment.
7. I lose control of myself completely.
8. I utter unspeakable things when I am furious.
9. When I am censured in the presence of other people, I become extremely infuriated.
10. I have the urge of beating someone when I am angry.
Today’s world has proved, time and again, that anger in men and women is the greatest evil. It is an evil that can hamper not only an individual but an entire community. Anger is a sentiment that can defeat everything that one holds dear. And the most depraved aspect is presence of excessive anger in younger men and women. In times like these, a person develops a premature heart condition before the age of 55. A person with immense anger is genuinely more volatile in terms of developing a heart crisis, when compared to a person who lives a balanced life. This was proved in a study conducted by researchers at John Hopkins University School in 2002. The study uniquely pointed out that anger-driven reaction in young adults can put an impact on the occurrence as well as the timing of the development of an adverse heart condition.
When one can invest time in being angry, reacting with hostility and displaying aggression, then it is quite likely that the person can also take some time to think and redirect their motives. It is possible for anybody to overcome; and to overcome oneself, although it is very hard, but not impractical.
Gathering knowledge about successful anger management tactics with the aid of books, therapy or any other fruitful method – can benefit a person to transmit that vigor, which gets exhausted on anger, in a further optimistic and productive course of life.